Create the emotional states you desire.
My baby boy during a simple sprinkler run. He slipped and fell many times before and after I captured his pure joy in this photo. Us adults can take a lesson from kids in resilience and creating a joyful emotional state.
Who has struggled with emotions and emotional intelligence recently? In a pandemic, I think we can ALL raise our hands.
This year has been a challenge but wow, what an opportunity for personal growth. New stress tests our current level of emotional intelligence. Managing your emotional state is a skill that takes practice. In today’s world, with constant challenges, it’s more important than ever to work that emotional intelligence muscle.
There are ways you can better handle challenges and build emotional resiliency so you can create the emotional states you desire.
“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
Cultivate curiosity
I believe curiosity is the foundation for personal growth and awesome relationships. It’s key for living with a sense of wonder, awe and gratitude. It’s the foundation for innovation. So I say, be curious about yourself. Others. The world. Different perspectives you can invite in.
When you make a mistake or get rejected, be curious about the process and what you can learn from it. Get curious about the meaning of the hardship and how it can turn into a powerful life lesson you can share with others.
Cultivate curiosity like a kid. Kids are innately curious. My son Cooper is 3 year old and he’s interested in how everything works. Every worm he finds, every nook and cranny in the woods, and every mini physics experiment with food is amazing to him. It’s how he learns best. I say, be curious like a kid. Be curious like Cooper!
Cultivate stillness, quiet and mindfulness.
As a go-getter who has been obsessed with achieving goals since grade school, I spent so many years focused on putting energy OUT into the world. Out-out-out-out-out. Go-go-go-go-go. For so long, I wasn’t focused on putting energy back INWARD.
Learning how to meditate, be comfortable with my thoughts in stillness and quiet, and slow down before speeding up – these have propelled my growth, well-being and satisfaction to completely new heights.
One tip I learned is to “BE THE WITNESS.” When you feel an emotion arise that you don’t like -- fear, uncertainty, anxiety, self-doubt, anger, impatience – don’t stuff it inside or push it away. Instead, respond by staying still and being the witness of that emotion.
Say, “Hmmm, that’s interesting. Emotion ____, I hear you. I feel you. I am here for you.”
Observe yourself feeling that emotion – like an out of body experience.
Then take a minute to explore why you feel that way – WITHOUT judgement. No judging of good or bad. Just say, “hmm, that’s interesting.” Journal if you can, or simply think about it if writing isn’t an option.
Often, our emotions just want recognition. Think of it as a toddler making a fit so he can get his parent’s attention. If you simply give the child your undivided, loving attention for two minutes, the bad behavior can go away, and you can completely avoid a meltdown.
When you recognize your emotions and explore WHY you’re feeling a certain way, you will feel the emotion float away. You’ll feel a sense of calm and acceptance. You will avoid a build-up of those emotions and potential emotional blow-up down the road. You can process emotions and better understand yourself with this approach.
This gets easier and more natural over time. Just practice. Soon, you’ll master the habit -- and master your emotions.
Practice self-love.
Remind yourself, “I am enough.”
Marissa Peer is a hypnotherapist and she explains that when we’re born, we all come into this world believing we’re enough. The things we experience, and the things people say to us and do to us, all impact that feeling of worth. As a result, we have so many adults who don’t feel they’re enough. They don’t feel self worth or deserving of love, growth, good things and achievements.
Practice self love, and as Marissa recommends, write “I AM ENOUGH” on your bathroom mirror or set an alarm on your phone so you can reprogram your brain to know the truth. You ARE enough.
Embrace the Platinum Rule.
I love the Golden Rule – treat others as you’d like to be treated. But even more, I love the Platinum Rule – treat others as they want to be treated. Here’s an exercise to help you build your Platinum Rule muscle.
Write a list of the most important people in your life right now. Then, write down 3 words for each of them. These are the 3 words that will describe the type of person you want to be for them. Think of the type of person they need and deserve, right now, in this unique time of their lives. These words will probably vary between your significant other, your kids, your parents or someone you’re mentoring.
Bring more intention and you’ll show up as the best possible person in a way that your people need it the most.
When you connect deeply in this manner, people feel massively appreciated and heard. You create connections and magical moments. It will elevate your life and others’ lives.
You also literally create the emotional state and person you want to become in that moment.
As you continue on the journey of mastering emotions, you can recall this affirmation time and time again.
“I acknowledge and respect all of my emotions but guide and nurture the emotions that most support the life I want to live.”
