Gifts and Lessons from Losing My Dad
I wrote this blog post in 2021 and updated it for 2023.
What my dad's death taught me about mindset, dealing with uncertainty, finding gifts in challenges and living with passion and purpose.
February 28. This date always hits me hard.
In 2023, it marks 16 years of my dad’s death.
He never made it to 50.
My dad got sick when he was only 40 years old and died at 49. Before his first diagnosis, he was an energetic businessman with a wife and three young children. His whole life ahead of him, right?
Sometimes, you’re dealt a hand you never expected.
My dad spent nine years incredibly sick. He battled cancer, was on experimental drug treatments, and went through three liver transplants. Yeah, three.
He almost died nine times in those nine years. It was a period of our lives that was riddled with unknowns, ambulance calls, life flights, ICU stays, piles of medicine and doctors telling us he “might not make it" over and over again.
But time and time again, he defied the odds and he rallied. Nine times he rallied.
Since he always used humor to lighten the mood, he would jokingly tell people, “The doctors are trying to kill me, but they haven’t been able to yet.”
In a way, I’ll always think he left too soon, but I’m also grateful for the extra time we had that surpassed the doctors’ expectations.
An End - Also a Beginning
During those nine tough years, I was able to help take care of my dad. The last month of his life was spent in the Cleveland Clinic. Meanwhile, for part of it, my poor mom was stuck in another hospital after coming down with an acute illness (talk about crappy timing).
I was with my dad every day of his last month of life at the Clinic.
Honestly, so much of what I experienced was horrific, but I'm grateful for all of it.
What an honor to care for someone you love. What an honor to hold his hand through the most trying times and as he took his last breath.
What an honor to learn incredible life lessons that still serve me to this day.
When his life ended, a new beginning was created for me. In a way, the sun rose and showed me a new opportunity. It just took some time before I could see it.
He was the Ultimate Role Model
I’m not writing to mark his loss or my experience with sadness or pity.
I want to honor my dad's incredible spirit, his strength, his fire and the inspiration he provides me every day. I want to honor the lessons and gifts he gave me through his tumultuous last nine years on Earth.
Just how incredible was my dad?
No matter how sick he was, my dad still had a passion and fire lit inside him. Often he could barely get off the couch, and yet we’d see him focused on a laptop for hours, drumming up new business ideas, or immersed in a notebook, sketching out his ideal next home and plot of land.
We'd visit Conservancy farms in Cuyahoga Valley National Park and seriously discuss micro-farm ideas if we got a lease. It didn’t matter that we had zero money or his health prognosis was bleak.
He kept on planning and playing and dreaming.
Looking back, I see that his mindset kept him elevated and focused on living with passion regardless of what challenges were happening. He didn’t waste any of his life. He always looked for an opportunity to learn or have an adventure.
By role modeling the way, Dad gave our family the gift of HOPE.
He gave us permission to appreciate life and have reverence for each day - no matter how hard it got.
Lessons Learned
When I’m going through hard times, I think of my dad. If he could maintain such positivity, humor, smiles, kindness, joy and passion for life — through some of the worst medical issues you could imagine — can’t I do the same?
If he could keep planning and playing and dreaming through uncertainty, can’t I do the same?
My badass, hilarious father proves that your MINDSET is what matters most.
I’m not saying that you can’t have low moments or succumb to the pain. The ups and downs are normal. It’s not all rainbows and kittens. And trust me, our whole family had plenty of the low moments. Heck, my dad rallied after dying on the table during surgery, after being on a ventilator many times, and after being in an induced coma a few other times.
What matters is that he RALLIED. He was resilient. He held onto hope. He cultivated little moments of joy in life, among the pain and unknown.
And I learned that hope is like nourishing food for your mind and heart. You have to keep feeding yourself hope and seeking out the joy.
Carrying on His Legacy
I was emotionally broken by the experience and his loss. But over time, I rebuilt myself with new strength. I use the dark moments as a reminder to seek out the light and to have reverence for life.
I have been able to bounce back to life with passion and a purpose, and in part, that’s thanks to my dad.
In 2020, I started my own coaching business, and one of my “WHYs” is to share these amazing life lessons with others. I want to help thousands of other people live and lead with more passion and purpose (and inspire others to do the same). Everyone deserves to feel on fire, full of hope and on purpose.
Dad was the “stone in the water” that cast a positive ripple out to so many people, including me.
My business enables me to honor dad’s legacy. In a way, I get to be a “stone in the water” that continues his ripple effect. And I get to keep his fire lit in the world by lighting a fire inside other people.
What an absolute honor.
Right before I hopped on Zoom to coach my very first group. The topic was COURAGE. I shared this photo along with the story of my dad and how his inspiration gave me courage to rebuild after loss, defy my own odds through infertility and take the leap to start my own business.
We All Have a Choice
When we think of how we want to show up during and after challenges, it comes down to one word: choice. The word choice ... Isn’t that beautiful and freeing?
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
With each day, we make the decision: Do we want to appreciate what we’ve been given and live this day with passion and purpose?
With every challenge, we make the decision: Do we want to find a lesson or gift, and rally and rise to the occasion?
In the Next 16 Years
I will choose to rally. I will choose to live with passion and purpose. I will choose to honor my dad‘s memory.
And I hope that you, even if you’re going through hard times or missing a loved one, choose to do the same.
Cheers to the amazing Timothy O'Neill and everyone out there who rallies amidst the challenge.
To my daddy, thank you for the lift — then and now. Thank you for the inspiration, gifts of life lessons and how you continue to teach me even though you’re gone. I will choose to swing into life’s amazing adventures and unknowns with this smile on my face.
If you want to live with more passion and purpose, and be that “stone in the water” who casts a positive ripple effect, please reach out. I’d love to share a few small shifts you can make each day to feel more on fire - and inspire others to do the same. Contact me if you'd like to hop on a call to get ideas and resources. Cheering you on!
